Self-Control
by AddisonZhang
Summary: After Eren's outburst at the Military Court, the judge feels that his "human self-control" needs to be tested even further before any decision can be made about whether or not to execute him. But getting Mikasa involved was the last thing that Eren wanted. Violence, Angst, NonCon, Levi, Eren, Mikasa, Erwin, Military Police
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Warning! Rape, angst, if you don't like it then please don't read it and no nasty comments. I am a woman and I do not condone rape, this is purely fictional. I do not own Attack on Titan.**__**Unsure if this will be a one shot or a continued story, all depends on people's thought and comments. **_

_Who's to say that she's not a Titan Shifter, too? We should dissect her along with the boy just to be safe…_

Eren had screamed for her, defended her valiantly when they'd said such unfair things. Mikasa had nothing to do with his shifting abilities. His situation was already bad enough. The idea that Mikasa would be dragged into it was beyond his capacity to bear.

Sitting in the dungeon for days had given Eren a lot of time to think. It seemed likely that they would kill him, after all, and despite how angry that made him, despite how devastating all of these new developments were to him and his plan to kill all the Titans…well, maybe he was one of them after all. Maybe they _should_ kill him. He had spent many nights fighting back tears, hovering on the brink of acceptance of his upcoming execution.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, a hand had been extended to him from beyond the bars. Two superior officers, Erwin and Levi, were willing to give him a chance. And then he'd been dragged before the court, chained to a pole in front of everyone's prying eyes, even Armin and Mikasa. Oh…how Eren had fought to maintain a strong composure while the blush of humiliation assailed his cheeks. Before, he had been locked away from everyone's view, but now he was a spectacle. He choked down whatever pride he had left and tried to behave like the normal human being that he was no longer believed to be. And he'd done a good job of it, too….that is, until they tried to drag Mikasa into things.

Levi had dealt with him in the blink of an eye. Eren couldn't remember much else, only pain and more humiliation as he was completely bent in half, his face ground into the marble floor under the Lance Corporal's small boot. The hot pull of the Titan wanted him to defend himself. _Be a human, _he told himself over and over again, gasping in pain as Levi's foot connected with his face for the dozenth time. _Just take it and be a human. _

Next thing he knew, he was being led out of the courthouse and back to his cell.

"Dammit…you little brat." It was Levi muttering from beside him as he half dragged Eren along by the crook of his elbow. "Can't keep your mouth shut for five minutes, can you?" It was more of a disdainful statement than a question.

Eren's face was still bleeding badly and his mouth was swollen. At that moment, he was too afraid of the Lance Corporal to answer, any way. Erwin was walking a bit ahead of them in silence. The tense hunch of his shoulders gave Eren no good signs.

When they reached his cell once more, the bars were wrenched open and he was tossed inside. He landed on the left side of his face and on his shoulder with a yelp of pain.

"Go!" Erwin's uncharacteristic shout made Eren flinch. He hands were still in shackles behind his back, so he could only crane his neck to look out at what was going on. Erwin had given the angry order to one of the military police who had followed them back to the cell. Now, the military man was hurrying back up the steps. Erwin didn't look after him, he racked his hands back through his hair, clearly upset. Levi, on the other hand, had the same stoic, uninterested expression on his face.

"Wha—what's going on?" Eren ventured. It hurt when he spoke and his face twisted up in pain.

Erwin shook his head and turned away from the boy. Levi turned his gaze on Eren, his mouth in a crooked, frustrated looking pout.

"You have no fucking self-control, do you, you little shit?"

Eren knitted his brows angrily. No self-control? He wanted to argue that if he didn't have self-control then he would have turned into a Titan back in the court room when Levi was kicking his face in, but then he thought better of it. If Levi had done it once before—in front of a crowd—then the mere thought of what he might do to him in private made the argumentative retort fade from Eren's lips. His gaze fell to the bed, now speckled red with the blood that dripped from his face. He felt light headed.

Suddenly, Erwin shouted out a curse and kicked the wall behind him. Eren's head popped up once again, frightened.

"What?" he cried, hurting and getting scared. Had he messed up the trial that badly? Would they kill him now? "What is it? Please…tell me." He couldn't control the slight tremble in his voice.

Erwin still wouldn't look at him. Turning his gaze to Levi, Eren saw the same expression plastered on his face, but he neither spoke nor moved. Eren felt tears welling up in his eyes as the pain finally started to catch up to him. His face was throbbing, his ribs ached terribly, the burning shame finally popped up in his cheeks, now unchecked. Why were they so mad at him?!

Finally, Erwin turned back to look behind the bars. He opened his mouth to talk, but stopped when footsteps were heard coming from the stairs. He glanced that way and an even darker look consumed his expression. The military officer who Erwin had sent away a few minutes before now returned, along with someone else.

Eren gasped. "Mikasa!"

She was walking down the steps, her arm clasped tightly by the military police man. Her head was down and her black hair swished around her face, concealing her expression.

"Mikasa…" Eren repeated, too hurt to think straight. What in the world was she doing here? He looked again to the way that she was being held, the fist squeezing tightly around her bicep, pulling along although she did not struggle. Two more policemen followed them down. Anger flared up in Eren's chest. "Erwin! What's the hell is going on?"

Again, it was Levi, not Erwin, who answered. "Shut up and stay put. Do not approach the bars."

Eren stared unmoving as the cage-like door was opened and Mikasa was led inside along with the three policemen. They were about to close the door once more, but then one of them stopped, saying, "Lance Corporal, if you'll please…? Just in case." Levi looked displeased but reluctantly he, too, entered the small cell. It was then closed behind him with a metallic shriek.

"Mikasa. What…?" Eren mumbled through swollen lips, trying to catch her eye without moving enough to anger Levi. She glanced up at him for just a second, her eyes radiating forced calm. "What's going on?" he began to ask, but Levi interrupted, shoving him down onto the bed with just a hand to the chest.

"Shut up!" he snapped again.

Erwin was frowning deeply from the other side of the bars. "Hurry up and get this over with," he said through clenched teeth, clearly upset.

_Get _what_ over with?_ Eren thought, starting to panic. He absolutely, under no circumstances, wanted Mikasa involved in his problems.

"Your little outburst unnerved the court," Levi droned. "The judge decided that you need to be tested further before we risk sending you back out into humanity. If you can't control yourself, then there's no point in thinking that you might be helpful to this world." Eren stared up at the short officer, still not really comprehending. He noticed that although Levi's facial expression and tone of voice remained basically the same, there was a sense of uneasiness in him. Clearly Levi was upset, too.

While he was still studying Levi, one of the policemen slapped Mikasa. Eren gasped, whipping his head back to face her again. She'd picked her head up and was staring at the men expressionlessly.

"Hey!" Eren began, but his words were drowned out by the harsh sound of another slap. Mikasa's head snapped to one side and she had to take a step backward to maintain her balance. Eren creased his brow angrily. What was the meaning of this?!

"Take your clothes off." It was a simple order delivered to Mikasa in a hard tone, but it made Eren's eyes pop open as wide as they could through all of the swelling. _What?_

"Sir?" She didn't move, not even to raise a hand to her stinging face.

The policeman smacked her again, even harder this time and she stumbled against the bed. Eren gasped. "Mikasa!"

"_Shut up_, Jaegar," Levi hissed again, so forcefully this time that Eren's blood ran cold. "This is your own fucking fault. Now just shut up and show us all some human self-control." Eren glanced back and forth from Levi's persuasive glare to the scene of the policemen beginning to harass his adopted sister and felt his mouth start to tremble.

"Strip, now."

"Sir…" Mikasa said again. Eren gulped down an angry growl. He knew her too well. He had heard the hidden plea in her voice. She was struck once more and this time her legs buckled and she landed on the floor.

"Right _fucking _now!" the officer shouted down at her. Eren wasn't sure if he'd imagined it or not, but for a second he thought he saw the officer flick his eyes up at him after he'd said it.

_They're watching me? This….this is a test…_His mind was whirling and floating from panic and blood loss. They were beating Mikasa….to test…_him?_? And making her take her clothes off? It took his feverish mind a second to catch up, but as soon as he realized, he raised a hand to his mouth, overcome with horrified nausea. _No…!_

She was slowly complying, removing her jacket and belts first. Then she stopped and glanced up at the officers, her face flushing pink for the first time in years. "_Strip_," he hissed lowly, signifying that it wasn't good enough.

"No, Mikasa," Eren growled, shaking his head furiously. He tried to squirm over the bed to intervene, but with his hands in shackles and his face and torso now even beyond numb it was nearly impossible. Levi's strong hands fell on his shoulders, keeping him loosely in place.

"Self…..control…" he hissed directly into Eren's ear. Eren squeezed his eyes shut and hot tears came running out and dripping down his cheeks.

"Nooo…" he moaned, watching her obey their orders and slowly remove every last bit of clothing. She was doing her best not to tremble in front of the prying eyes of six men, but Eren could see her fear still. Fully naked, she stood before the three military police officers, brave as she could be, straight and silent. Her back was to Eren. They'd lived together for years but he had never observed her fully nude before. She was always the strong one, but now her thin, gentle curves looked terribly vulnerable.

_They're….they're going to rape my sister…_his mind groaned in revolt against Levi's hands reminding him of self-control. _'Human self-control?' No…this is completely unfair! No human would sit by and watch this! _

But fair or not, Levi was behind him, not only reminding him to shut up and take it, but also reminding him that if he failed he would quickly be killed and his dreams to save humanity would be dashed. He ground his teeth together, trying to fight against the heat that rose up in him like waves. The Titan side wanted out.

"Self-control," Levi said again, feeling the heat surges. His voice was completely monotone now.

The men had grabbed her and, glancing at Eren, they were preparing for their deed. Eren gasped, catching a glance of the frightened expression that Mikasa was trying to hide from him. The officers were rubbing themselves, needing a bit of extra help to acquire full erections for the ordered rape of a good soldier.

One police officer, however, was more into it than the others. He loosened the draw string of his cotton pants and freed his erection. Grabbing Mikasa by her shiny black hair, he shoved her down to her knees, eliciting a slight gasp from her. They were both sideways to Eren and his eyes bulged in horror as the man brandished his large organ at Mikasa's face, which twitched in an attempt to maintain composed. "Use your mouth, get it nice and wet," he ordered her. "You'll appreciate it later." She closed her eyes.

Heat flashed red through Eren and he started to shake uncontrollably. Levi tightened his grip even more. "Fuck self-control!" Eren shouted, but Levi hit him in the back of the head hard enough to still the boy once again.

"This is your own fucking fault, you stupid, selfish brat!" he snarled. "Now _behave _yourself before we have to get others involved."

Others? Eren's heart was pounding. They would torture more people? No…this was a test…a one time test to decide if he would join the Survey Corps or be executed. Yes, he was sure of it. But still…the image of Armin being dragged down into the dungeon after they hauled Mikasa away…his skinny blonde frame being beaten senseless, stripped down to nothing….

"It's ok, Eren…"

He looked down at her with wide green eyes. She did not look at him, instead she shakily took the man's member in her hands and then stretched her mouth around it.

"Dammit!" Eren choked, finally losing himself. All of the strength in his muscles evaporated and he dissolved into shaking sobs. Her head bobbed back and forth, taking the full length of his penis into her mouth. There was veiled pain in her eyes and Eren could see it all. The fever increased and he had to use all of his self-control to remain human. Pushing away the Titan pull was becoming more and more painful.

The other two officers had dropped their pants and were ready to get the deed over with. One of them grabbed her by the hips and raised them high up into the air. He rubbed himself against her openings and she squeaked out a little gasp, her mouth too full to do anything more.

"No please! _Please _don't! You don't have to do this!" Eren pleaded. "I have self-control! Look! _Look at me!" _But no one was looking at him anymore, they were all preoccupied with Mikasa's body and what they were going to do to it. The man who had grabbed her hips poked a finger inside of her entrance, making her eyes widen in fear and then drop closed, mortified.

"No, Mikasa!" Eren choked out. "Please, please stop, sir! I'm begging you!" He was talking to Levi, as if he had been the one that had ordered this.

"This is your fault, Eren, not mine," Levi said, his voice tight and veiled.

Eren bowed his head, shoulders shaking. "Get her on the bed," one of the men said, and soon Eren felt the bed dip with the added weight of four people, all three men positioning themselves around her. He could feel every little movement of them and he squirmed backward, wanting to get off of the bed. He didn't want to feel it as they violently jarred her body, he didn't want to feel her voiceless struggles as she bit her lips and tried to remain silent for his sake.

But Levi didn't allow it. "Do not move," he ordered, holding him stiffly in place.

A sob broke out from between Eren's teeth and tears poured from his eyes. Mikasa's face contorted with excruciating pain as the officers pushed into her virgin holes. "Can I close my eyes?" he begged.

"No."


	2. Chapter 2

He's not a masochist. At least, he was never one before. But now—suddenly, without him realizing it—Eren had somehow shifted in that direction. He would take Levi's merciless kicks to the face. _Fuck_ those hurt, but he healed so fast—so much faster than anyone else ever could. So he could take it.

It was the humiliation of being ground into the floor and made helpless in front of the condescending, judging eyes of so many people who he had always wanted to be equal with. It was the crushing disappointment of having his face bashed in by his hero, of being called a stupid, shitty brat…It was those things that hurt.

It was hearing Mikasa's stifled moans and whimpers of pain echoing in his mind and knowing that she had gone through that all because of him. And now, curled up in the stained dungeon bed, chains chaffing angrily against his wrists, he could still see all of those images that he had been ordered to watch. And he was starting to wonder if it was worth it to be alive after all.

Maybe he didn't want to be in the Scouting Legion anymore.

_No, you do want to. You have always, always wanted this, Eren, _he told himself. _You can't just back out after what you've been through…after what you put her through. _

But when he squeezes his eyes shut he still sees her writhing under their weight, trying not to look at anyone's face by accident, trying to hide her shame behind apathetic strength. Eren bit his lip to try and choke back a sob.

"Dammit…" came the disgruntled complaint from outside of the bars. There is a guard there who Eren cannot see from the bed. "Stop fucking crying already."

It's been hours since they finished with Mikasa and literally dismissed her like any normal soldierly occasion. _"Return to the barracks, Ackerman. You'll be expected to perform your normal duties again tomorrow." _

And she had said 'yes,sir' so quiet that they could barely hear her, and she fumbled to put her clothes back on with cold hands that quivered. She didn't look at Eren. She just hurried off, her footsteps resounding against the stone walls of the dungeon.

Erwin had left with the MP boys. He didn't trust them to paint a good picture of how the events had transpired. He knew that they would take any opportunity to make Eren into a mindless monster when really, it was more like the other way around. So Erwin was going to talk to the judge himself. There was no way—absolutely no fucking way—that after all of that, Eren would still be executed. No fucking way.

Corporal Levi stayed for a few minutes and listened to him cry, saying nothing. His chin was tucked down a little lower than usual. That was the only indication that he wasn't perfectly fine with what had transpired. Then he, too, left, leaving Eren alone in the cell.

It hurt in his chest. The thoughts didn't hurt his head, the noises that still echoed sharply in his mind…no, it only hurt in his chest like a strong ache that wouldn't go away. He wanted to see Mikasa, wanted to make sure that she was alright. Had they really hurt her? Did she need medical attention or had they been gentle? He scoffed a little at the thought. It was hard to imagine that three men and one young girl could ever be described as gentle in any context.

Eren's trembling hands held his face, spreading the tears. Angry tears. Hurt tears. How the hell did this happen to us tears.

She would hate him now, he was sure of it. After all—why was Mikasa so enamored with Eren in the first place? Because he had saved her in her most desperate moment. When no one was left to be there for her, Eren came through. He had saved her from the hands of men who wanted to do unspeakable things to her body, like she was just merchandise and not a person.

And now that exact thing had happened to her. And Eren had literally sat by doing nothing.

He wasn't a masochist, had never been one, but now he found himself whimpering softly into his hands, wishing that it had been him her in place. It would have been more pain, sure, and more humiliation and wounds to the heart that would never quite heal…but it would have been better than letting her down so fantastically.

That was all he kept thinking over and over again until somehow he managed to drift off into yet another night of fitful sleep that could not even be considered restful. He tossed and turned, the chains rattling as he moved.

* * *

_The bed is bouncing slightly as they move and Eren can feel every little dip of the mattress. _

_"Shit," one man mutters when the sheets are suddenly spotted with redness. He briefly pauses in his work, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Only then does he realize. It's been a long, long time since he's fucked a virgin. _

_The one underneath her pumping long, hard, careless strokes into her ass doesn't seem the least bit bothered by the blood that's dripping out of her and down his dick. Orders are orders. _

_Mikasa's cries of pain are muffled by the third man, who is using her mouth. He's almost being nice about it. Almost. _

_No one seems to care that she's just a kid. _

_Levi's hand tightens on Eren's shoulder, but it feels different now. There are no more degrading comments, no more harsh words telling him that it's all his fault. No, that message has already been delivered loud and clear. Now the hand on his shoulder is strong and stable. Too strong, almost. Like a white knuckled fist hanging on for dear life. It is holding two people back, not just one. _

_Suddenly Mikasa is sputtering madly, trying to talk and keep from gagging at the same time. It's impossible and her words are barely intelligible. It's nothing more than a garbled mess when she turns her swollen, angry, miserable eyes onto Eren and chokes out, _

_"How? How could you let this happen to me?!" _

_His eyes cloud over—_

He jerked awake with a start, making the chains pull at the already raw flesh on his wrists. It burned so badly that he barely noticed that his face is once again just as wet as when he fell asleep. He could not stop shaking.

_I'm so, so sorry, Mikasa! Oh my god….I'm so sorry._

He hugged his knees up closer to his chest and tried not to make any noise while he cried. Beyond the sound of his pounding heart he could make out the guard shifting around. He didn't want to make anyone else angry with him. Not today.

But even as he bit his lips to keep the whimpering at bay, he could still hear someone approaching his cell. His breath hitched as fear joined the agony in his chest. What now?! He curled up even tighter and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Oi, Eren."

Levi? Eren opened one eye and warily glanced in the direction of the bars. Sure enough, the short silhouette of the man he had once called hero was standing there. It didn't bring Eren any comfort though, or any excitement as the man's presence once had. No, now the tears kept falling just the same.

The lance corporal stood in silence for a minute or two. Eren stayed in bed. He uncurled a bit, for pride's sake, but in truth he didn't even have much of that left anymore. He normally would have leapt to his feet at the sight of the captain, throwing his hand dutifully over his heart and trying to hold back that childlike giddy smile that everyone expected of Eren Jaeger, but now he did nothing. He couldn't. His chest hurt too badly.

After a long time there was a sigh and, "I'm coming in. Don't be alarmed."

Even with the warning, Eren still flinched a little at the scraping sound that the metal bars made over the stone floor of the cell.

_Metal scraping over stone, people coming in and out, locking him up, chaining him down, Mikasa's eyes, the bed springs aching against the pressure…_

"Eren," Levi interrupted his thoughts, sounding half-stern, half-concerned. He slowly walked around the bed to opposite side, to where Eren was facing. "It's just me. Relax."

Eren sniffled softly and glanced up at the form of his commanding officer. The light in the dungeon was a soft, dim yellow that barely illuminated Levi's expression. Eren struggled to clear his vison, blinking back hot tears. He heard the corporal sigh and then the bed dipped slightly as he sat down beside him.

"Come on, sit up," Levi said. "Enough crying."

Eren didn't want to, but he obeyed, slowly rising to sit beside his superior. He wiped tears away with the back of his hand. He couldn't bring himself to look at Levi, instead he stared down into his own lap, where his hands were folded neatly—too neatly, easily betraying his discomfort. No one said anything for a long time. After what might have been five whole minutes, the corporal said with a tone of surprising gentleness, "She's doing ok. She's strong for a brat."

Eren choked a bit as a sob of relief fought its way out of him. He instantly slapped his own hand over his mouth, ashamed to have broken Levi's order not to cry. "I'm…I'm sorry, sir," he muttered through the tears that just wouldn't stop no matter how much he tried. Mikasa was alright! Or…going to be alright…physically. But that didn't mean very much. Nothing could erase what had happened. She would still hate him forever.

"Eh, you don't need to be sorry," Levi grimaced. "Wasn't fair, those damn bastards."

Eren looked up, shocked. "Corporal Levi?"

"I'm sorry that happened, Eren."

Eren furrowed his brow, completely taken aback. Wasn't Levi yelling at him the last time he was here? Wasn't he telling him how this was all his fault and ordering him to just shut up and _watch_? His wide green eyes met Levi's grim gaze and he shook his head, totally at a loss.

But Levi just went on, not wanting to dwell on things. "But what's important is that the Survey Corp has control of you now. None of that shit happens with us, understand. You can do what you've always wanted to do. Fight the bad guys….where ever and whoever they may be," Levi said very seriously, almost cryptically, as if he meant more than Eren could grasp. "That's what you want, right Eren?"

Looking at the corporal now, Eren saw someone entirely different than the man who had held him back a few hours ago. Now Levi's usually expressionless eyes had a sorrowful softness to them, reaching out in the dim cell just as he had metaphorically reached out a hand to offer Eren an out a few days earlier.

_Now…now he's asking me what I want to do. It's just like before. He's asking me if I want to join again. Not just expecting me to. He's giving me a choice. _Eren realized with a pang that momentarily dried his tears. After everything that had happened, after how horrifically he had been treated—how Mikasa had been treated—Levi was still asking Eren what _he_ wanted.

Levi was still talking, perhaps just as much to himself as to the younger boy. "Sometimes you have to make sacrifices, have to put your feelings on hold for awhile, have to get beat up twenty times before finally having the right moment to fight back. It's not easy to take, I know, but keeping your mouth shut would help, you know…mouthy little brat."

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but Eren had the feeling that if he chose to follow Levi and Erwin, chose to join the Survey Corp…then he would someday get the chance to avenge this. Maybe that's what Levi was trying to tell him.

_"You can fight the bad guys, wherever and whoever they may be."_

Bad guys like the MP men who thought that gang-raping a teenage virgin girl in front of him was a good punishment for a verbal outburst.

"I still want to join you," Eren said, his voice coming out stronger than he'd thought possible. "I'm going to join the Survey Corp and make this world a better place for all of Humanity."

Levi nodded slowly. Then he rose from the bed and went back to the bars. Eren watched him go, feeling a warm burst of energy stirring inside of him right alongside of the pain in his chest. He didn't expect that pain to go away, but maybe it wasn't all bad. Maybe it could guide him. He glanced down to watch his own fist tighten up against the stained sheets of the bed.

"Eren."

He turned to the corporal once more and saw him standing in the cell door, just about to leave. He didn't look back as he asked, "Do you hate me?"

All Eren could manage as a truthful reply was, "Not you. Not yet."


End file.
